I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
