Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
