i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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