Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm too high and old for this...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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