for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
