i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
