mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
