he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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