My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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