We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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