So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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