That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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