She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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