He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
