How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
