He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
