my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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