dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
