So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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