It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
