does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
