You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
