I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
