my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
