i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
