if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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