They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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