idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
