do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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