Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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