I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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