how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
