Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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