Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
