if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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