i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
