why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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