Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
