We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
