Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
