1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your face is a jimmy john
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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