I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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