they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
