Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
