Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
