hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
