Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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