She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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