i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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