I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
