I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
