HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
