why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
