Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
