omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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