A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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