This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
